If Jammer 6 was santa this is what his return letters to the kids would look
like :)

Ice~


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Dear Santa,


I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!


Love, Kenny



Dear Kenny,


Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna
torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to
do with.


Santa

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Dear Santa,


I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.


Love, Teddy




Dear Teddy,


What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane,
son! Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.


Santa

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Dear Santa,


I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the backdoor.


Love, Susan



Dear Susan,


Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my
face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of
Chivas Regal and a nice Cuban cigar.


Santa

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Dear Santa,


I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please.
PLEASE,


Jimmy



Jimmy,


That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
don't work up here. You're getting another sweater.


Santa

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Dear Santa,


What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?


Your friend, Thomas



Dear Thomas,


All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most of my time squeezing cocktail waitress' asses, and losing all my cash
at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!


Santa

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Dear Santa,


I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
yeer.


YeR FReND, BiLLy



Dear Billy,


Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
specialist. How 'bout I send you a freakin' book so you can learn to
read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least HE can spell!


Santa

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Dear Santa,


I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!


Love, Sarah



Dear Sarah,


Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?


Santa

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Dear Santa,


I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon
cards than me. Please see what you can do.


Love, Michelle



Dear Michelle,


It blows my freakin' mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get
you something more your speed, like"Chutes and Ladders."


Santa


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Dear Santa,


I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.


Love, Francis



Dear Francis,


What kind of dufus parents name their kid "Francis" nowadays?


Santa

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Dear Santa,


Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?


Love, Jessica



Dear Jessica,


You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping
your house.


Santa

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Dearest Santa,


We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?


Love, Marky



Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house,
that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside
your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!


Santa